It's truth. Truth is supposed to sting a little.

Just wanted to make a dedication to the souls that were oppressed before our time. Know that, because of your strength, for the blood that dropped onto the sand, for the tree branch that collected the fragments of your skin, for the lashes you took- your skin that felt the heat of the sun- for your feet that looked white..white because it was dusted from walking to and from, for the ones that went hungry out of fear, for the souls that were rapped for the souls that were humilated, for the souls that wept asking them selves in the lonley dark hour of the night "why Lord, why do you allow it to happen to me?" I read in Koran- those that are truly tested awaits paradise for them.- those souls that are chosen among us- that were tested in those times... they were the strong ones.. No quote no haven no speech can fit this picture.. for when we look at it.. we see truth..

This is dedicated to the oppressed all over the world, know you sitting on that computer chair reading this can do well- better other's who are not. we have being given life..so seize it- to make a difference..



satin is still dancing....
__________________________________
Black History month starts on February 1st.

my mom said i'm too passionate.

my friend told me i'm way too caring.

my sister said i need to toughen up.

my dad says to get some sense.

my friend told me i'm way too open.

i have learned your weakness are truly your strenghts. you can't change it's something that will stay with you foever.. and i need it to keep on breathing and walking in this life- it's those breaths those dreams that carry us everyday.

this life is nothing but a drop in a ocean. a drop.

this life is a test. it's not everlasting so don't hold onto it.

guard your heart shield your dreams.

AlamdiouAllah i'm happy for the people Allah has set forth in my path-for the last 10 minutes of this evening at university is what made it.

i'll quote mark twain - another day- another day when alisha needs to use that quote.


never regret the words the actions you do or say....life's too short.
g'night my loves.

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.

-George Washington

Courtesy of Mr.Sheehan Chowdhury

:)

i'm going to run and run.and run till my sides give out- tomorrow.

life's too short.

3 hours of sleep well it's more like 4 hours everynight. I wake up at 4:30 everymorning.. I dunoo why. Have no time to eat. Being drinking lots of water and coffee i'm keeping up with my vitamins and intake of fruits..... My mom says I look rough... not like a little girl.. :(....

breathes in and out.. i hope i don't fall- i feel physically weak. right now- feels like i'm shutting down... babygirl better let me lay in her lap today.

mmm so I'm working on this law document almost done- took so much out of me.

i'm kinda bored- a friend would be nice.
i'm really lonley i always get like this- when i'm fed up of doing studies.
i have classes still 9 tonight :( i woke up this morning at 4:30 i know a friend that goes to bed at that time- and when i awoke i had the energy and might to smile- he's going to bed right now.

i wake up to the alarm off my cell i force myself out of bed- i brush my teeth then make wuzzuuu- then i get dressed listening to Quran (the best way to begin a day is with Allah words) i put on my clothes that i set out from the night before- i clip my hair back put on my chain-put on some toner then some blush to look alive- i go downstairs take my coffee- cult half a whole-wheat bagel put a slice of orange armstrong cheese on it-pop into the microwave for 50 seconds vola! i eat in the darkness with the peac light playing in and around me- the computer is buzzing- dad comes down with his pj's on looks at me mummbles a Salaam comes and hugs me and since 'now you hear, have a good day no' with his mouth still muffled from sleep. I finish eating i back upstairs make up my bed -spray my room with room spray- i get my napsack and my purse plus cell phone- go downstairs put on coat and booths- it's 6:15am by now and the bus comes at 6;30- i got 15 minutes to look myself in the mirror and give myself a pep talk- i smile and i tell myself "i'm a fresh new girl with a fresh new start" i've being saying since i was mmmm like 9? me thinks yeh.
i catch the bus with the same people- i read Quran- look over some notes- check my cell for missed calls (0) i do some collective thinking as the bus rolls and makes it stops. i get off by cityhall and i walk the rest to grant mac(i see the homeless on the streets scurying from one dark corner to the next) i pray under my breath and hold my purse closer to me and i don't look in their direction- i wear that 0.95 big ring i got from aldo for a reason so i can knock em out if i get attacked.....
i cross the lights- i dunoo why but cars like to run me over..or atleast try- i yell some words at em (they can't hear me from inside their car) i shake my head and keep on walking- i get into building 6- go to timz get my one large black coffee with milk on the side- i go to my locker get my books- pray fajr- look over notes- read peoples blogs if i have the time to spare or to see how their doing- i look for quotes that fit my mood for the day- and i go to my eventful classes....

__________________________________________
i told my friend i leave my house when it's dark and i go home when it's dark- we all sacrafice to get that job eh? that status- you need status to get your rear anywhere in this life- but we should always remember this life is nothing but a drop in the ocean- a drop my love. so here's my motto wann listen doll? if you do bad on an exam/ assg/ quiz/ lab- it's not the end of the world- you can improve- you can study harder- your going to get to the finish line- just going to take a little longer- but you'll get there. and victory tastes so well when deserved and earned right. i'm almost done this phase or so i would like to think-

my heart feels numb- frozen in time- i use to have a great depth of concern and love, and admiration for some- things change- people change.

____________________________________
lately i don't make sense and i think that's valid for a twenty year old girl.
everything feels confused the only thing that's going right is school.
i want order with my feelings- feels like a jungle when i touch my chest.
with green vines and tigers and monkeys and butterflys all over the place- with the sun trying to peak through but the trees are too thick to allow any kind of sun to penerate- give me the heat one more time? i want the heat. i want the butterfly effect.
____________________________________
sometimes i forget that my blog is public and i should be cautious of the things i type-their just words- words mixed with confusion and bitter sweet dreams to feed me.
it's like we're patients on a life machine- were just in wonderland- waiting till they pull the plug.

__________________________________

your different alisha- you sound depressed on your blogs?
blogs are a place for venting unleashing the feelings you can not put aside or bring out of your mouth to a soul- because to say to this someone would be a tad iffish-


okay my time is up- time for school again!

love you.

you know what get's me going in the morning- waking up knowing I have to call Siham and hearing her say "Salaammm AlisherZ OR babygirl" it makes me smile, and whenever I spray the swiss army perfume she got me it literally makes me feel alive!- and then jumping into mama and papas bed restling with em... that's what does it.

I would like to say I have mastered organization-I'm getting so much done..AlamdiouAllah- things need to be looked at, worked at, and put together.
My hair is getting longer the brown tints are coming out- my eyes are getting lighter they are like officially brown..like bright brown.

I need a lap-top maybe I should put my money towards that I would also like to get a camera :(...*sigh* I'm trying to be independent and not rely on parents for money well i mean they pay for my school which is alot we all know that they feed, drive me around- they put up with me.

Man o man!I'm thinking more and more of how I will be when I'm a mother InshAllah- I will like use my napsack to carry everything in like snacks extra survival items..because knowing me I will make a mess I spill coffee/yogurt/salsa everywhere- and I just know I will need a flashlight- first aid kid, adivl lots of advil! lots of and lots of snacks because I get hungry all zee time...! and o yeh camera all the time- my kid is going to go blind by all the pictures I take. and o yeh! ditch the heels and the tight firm jeans.... it's sweat time baby and all ball caps.


okay class starts soon and i have a quiz in bcom :(

have a good day loves!

my back aches.
my hair needs washing.
i finished alot today.
my mom just called just now- Zara has a massive sale let's go! we'll pick you up.

me: i need a breathe from these assignments.

mmmm..i want the sun on my back.

want have fun for 10 minutes heres the solution?

get into friend's car drive around the parking lot listening to songs on 104.9

it was warm tonight
it was peachy
there was something about the silence
the wisdom that was around me.

it was me tonight.

want have fun for 10 minutes heres the solution?

get into friend's car drive around the parking lot listening to songs on 104.9

it was warm tonight
it was peachy
there was something about the silence
the wisdom that was around me.

it was me tonight.

you meet someone and you love them- and it's too good to end. but what makes it scary it's too good to be true and you ask yourself "will it come to a end" to a"rift with a drift?" .

i watched that brother's bleeding oil video... the ending song got to me. i remember watching Gladiator 1 year ago it was 11 at night the cell phone was laying on my stomach and i this crazy urge to do something- i was watching the ending of Gladiator and how i loved when the girl came out and held him- the gladitor. the song was playing and the crowd stood up and cheered- and she held him in her hands she was elegant he was heroic. what got me and still does right now as i type these words as they hammer at my empty inner- i had this dream... i created in my head if you were to ever die regardless of anything i would run to hold you for a mere second and whisper into your ears what i always wanted to tell you.

Allah is the best planners of all planners- he destines what is right. Sometimes you don't show yourself to a certain person because you love them- because your waiting for them to meet you half way and you want to show them the other half like a suprise- this is me. Allah knows best our hearts do not- they create dreams and make it beat within our inner and those dreams those breaths is what makes us push a little harder everyday- without it -we would be hollow.

I refused to tell myself from before "told you so" and as i sit here with the sun beating on the side of my face it's hard for me to accept "told you so." it hurts when people change..- they don't change they are just reflecting more so i have learned to leave them be.


please do not be confused by my silence
my face set in stone.
my eyes gazing but not really staring
my voice flat
my body there but no heart.

this does not make sense but it does to me. words are not supposed to make sense it's what's within us those dreams those breaths that make sense. so please just read this and smile. do not read into it too much. for they are just words that we will leave one day. and you is not directed to anyone- it's to everyone.

so i got to class and all we did was watch another document film(meh i had my time to think)was sipping on my timz and of course the effects of caffeine brings on the bloated tummy so i went to the bathroom. Walked outside and there was this girl just staring to the window outside- pressing her forhead into it- i stared at her i could feel the cold glass on her forhead as i do sometimes when the mind has overthinked overworked- i saw her shaking- i thought she was coughing- this was a different shake a more- collapse i'm weak and tired shake- i went to her and i asked her the rethorical question "what's wrong hunney" and she said without holding back- "today is the anniversary of my father's death"- and she cried more- and i didn't care if she didn't want me to hold her i just held her- because we all know when we're at our breaking point- and you look around and your gasping for relief- for things to be normal the way it used to be- but nothing is ever normal- nothing will ever be eternal happiness,or love, anything..... this life is mixed with happiness,sad, anger all three emotions to test us. i told her she's strong and that i will pray for her easement...i told her the same words i told my mom when her mother passed away "your going to see him-theres no question about that it's just going to take time." And I just held her.

I walked to the bathroom and I didn't have the urge to pee anymore and i thought about it- if dad or mom or naseeba were to pass- life ...life.. theres no words to convey what i would feel. and i thought about it more- i don't care if people give me attitude and makes you feel like shit, i don't care if someone doesn't want to talk to me- i don't care if freinds from before are no longer in my horizon- i don't care..i don't care if people think i'm being a bitch.. i don't- and i learned one thing yesteryday afternoon from a long conversation from my friend- if people don't appreciate you- then don't wast your time on them- and it's true regardless of anything.

life's too short. when i go home today i'm going to hug my parents.
so much is occuring in me.. too much emotions... but it's just one more test i need to pass and i'm this much closer..to eternity.

my class starts pretty soon and as i was walking to school i had this entry storming in my mind.... i'm going to be late and prob miss another pop quiz. But in all honestly alisha doesn't feel too good- alisha feels at her lowest- of living 19 yrs of her life she feels at her lowest- missing the old days. what's that word Nostagalia(however the flip you spell it) i'm scared- loving someone in the beginning is bliss but it hurts so much when in the end you realize you have figured the 100% of them (as i put it) and your sad. sad.. sad.. not what you expected but meh i'm not making sense... i want to let down brake everything, throw my books- i feel weak right now.. i'm at the climax to let all go- i want to type a email to my mom- because i hardly have time to talk to her- that's a sad thing. i miss so much and im late for my class- and tears are choking up- i think i cried lastnight- i think in my dreams.....

people hurt. so it's better to walk alone..

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter songThan the birds in the trees.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Ooooh, Hoooo.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One man can claim.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Talkin' bout my girl.
I've got sushine on cloudy day
With my girl.
I've even got the month of MayWith my girl.

-------------------------------
I LOVE THIS SONG! you know those songs that just takes everything in you thats muddled up and you just feel this burst of energy when you hear "that song.' Yeh baby... I would really reallyyyy like if I could save my money and buy the Temptations album along with Bob Marley...

Have a wonderful day loves :) :) :) :)

yes..yes we very well know ms.alisha wants to get swept off her feet by a tall dark mysterious fellah(right?lol)I like this picture for many reasons. Look at the way that little short lady holds the trane of the bride's dress it can be her mom or grandma, aunty or just a kind lady helping the poor gal out. Well it's a glimpse for me into the future one day.. to come....the day will come- I want my mama to hold my trane :)- touche.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

-John Lennon

Watch City Tv News at Six tonight for an interview on Mosquers!!!

The Axis of E-Town

in association with NAARR* and ECMC** Cordially Invite you to:

"THE MOSQUERS"

Awards Ceremony

" And the Mosquer goes to…."

Come out for a night to remember as Citytv's Paul Mennier hosts the Mosquer Awards Show at 7pm on January 19th at the University of Alberta's SUB stage.

Admission is Free.

All submissions will be shown...prizes will be awarded to winners...popcorn will be served...

Celebrity judges will make the final decision on the winners of the First Annual Mosquer Awards:

Portia Clark, Host of CBC News at Six Edmonton
Dave Eggen, MLA Edmonton-Calder
Ayub Umarji, President of IFSSA
For more information please email: mosquers@gmail.com


*North Alberta Alliance on Race Relations

** Edmonton Council of Muslim Communities



_________________________

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.

-Lynn Hall

lonliness can be beauty.

i want the rain to fall onto me.

i want to feel the sun.

i want whispers to play in out of my ears.

i want my heart to beat like the way it used to. you know the butterfly effect.

i want to dance in the court yard.

when last have you sang alisha?

when last have you cried? a long time ago. why don't you tear? because nothing seems real anymore- life feels like a movie where you can purchase your tickets from ticketmaster in church hill square OR the univesrity.

i've being arguing too much these days. i hait staying quiet.

i look to see beneath your mask- i want to oddle with it and try it on for a few seonds.

i wish i could be some peoples pupils see how they see things for a few moments.

do you think and see the way i do-because i think most people don't.

what's so aweing to walk into a room full of men- i'm going to have to brace myself for it in a couple of years- so why not start now!

"i know you so well alisha"- doesn't that prick at yah? no one knows you only yourself- i'm faking the whole time- and don't call me a fake because we all do it to hide our rear. but do we really need to fake to be normal. because they want you to think like that so you do- it has become habitual.

it's time for bed.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds.

-Hugh Elliott

Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

-Eddie Cantor

______________
btw Grey's starts again tonight!

i'm always the odd one out. it's cold and sometimes i pray my prince in shield would come galloping on his black horse and swoop me to home. i told naseeba tonight of all nights i wish i had a boyfriend so he could come and take me home.

because it's cold outside!

so i haven't being feeling very creative these days- as well all know school takes up most our times outside commitments, relationships etc.

my parents picked me up from the terminal yesterday- i was quiet my mom asked "lee what's wrong" me:"nothing" mom:"how was your day?" me:"good." mom:"how come your one wording it?" sometimes you just want to be quiet like your not talking alot because something is flustering within you-sometimes you find that temporary satisfaction of contempt peace. i'm at peace, like a baby blue blanket flowing around me- like the wind blowing in my hair with this"ah..i'm happy". AlamdiouAllah right.

nothing is new everything is the same. i'm with the same rotinue, it doesn't feel like a new year- every year feels the same as it was lastyear because i've found myself. i guesss well know wait... i know that i'm at peace and satisfaction has being delivered and served because i have found my true calling- my goals are becoming reality know longer on paper or woven around my heart and my noodle celly brain but they are acutally being lived out. theres those sayings "do something today that you would not normally do in your scheduled day" and so i'm doing that- if i see someone and they look intriguing to talk to i just smile and make small talk- life's too short. if i want to buy that $50.00 book just fulled with odddles of lovely black and white pictures from the old vintage book store on whyte i just go and buy it. this life is too short live this test right but have civil fun? yeh.... live this life righteous but have civil fun...

so i'm 20! ooo nooo.. a good 20. i feel set like ready to move on to the next stage of the game. i think i'm ready "bring it on"! no..noo hair flipping this time with them guess jeans on...just "bring it on" i'm ready for part 2. whatever part 2 consists of career/love/ i dunoo... it seems like the next stage always consists of "career or love" are they the most biggest olalalish stages in life- i don't know they seem broad and yet narrow.?

okay next class... :)

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.


Oscar Wilde

mm? think about it really HARD.

me and yoga sista hit up the gym today :)

i can't feel me toshie

excuse the language but ya'll know me by now :P

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.


Sir Winston Churchill

SISTAS IN THE HOODZ :p

i'm so thankful and greatful for the lovely souls Allah(swt)has placed in my path.

i truly love one and each of ya'll i pray that our brother/ sister hood gains every time we meet. InshAllah and Ameen.



the greatest gift is knowledge.

i'm so hungry right now..arghhhhhh!

To see a young couple loving each other is no wonder, but to see an old couple loving each other is the best sight of all.

~William Makepeace Thackeray

my friend told me:

"i'm a tragedy waiting to happen"

:) yeh

so thursdays are my ultra long days at school i have 4 classes on those days beginning at 8am :( meaning i have to wake up at 5:20am and sleep with my celly under my pillow because know one in the house wakes up that early. i eat breakfast by the fireplace in silence with the orange low light playing off the pink walls i listen to some Quran, then some dido i can't give up dido and all those dreammy hippie guitar playing sistas of mine. i get ready pop some lunch in the backpack and catch the 6:30 bus- it's a lovely bus ride everyone is quiet.

i get to school go through the same rotiune i pray fajr in a dark classroom when i bow down the carpet has that "office smell" you know that office smell? nextime smell brand new carpet :). Anyoo as i was saying- i do everything in sequence like a ballerina every day - i never change it up. i always hear myself breathing.

i have lots of things i would like to type but sleep weighs my eye lids down. i 'll get back into the thick of things. tomorrow is friday :) my short day i'm done at 12pm then i have a meeting to go to at 5:30ish then after that me and naseeba are watching freedom writers. then saturday i have work 10-4 then after that come home eat, bath, pray then go to whyte ave meet my friends at starbucks for coffee and cookie then come home have friend over for a movie THEN sunday i have work from 2-6 then monday i have work 9:30-2:30 then meeting friend then i have to do some readings...blahhh it never ends it's that road that never ends- and i accept that. work hard right- and in between that i have to call and do my placement AND THEN..and THEN i have to update my resume and start handing them out for summer jobs.. and TTHEN... i have made this plan and i want to stick to it- i want to get lots done last semester was beauty i want to make it better. theres always room for improvement righto.... man o man.

nothing is flowing right in this entry when does it ever, anything that comes to my mind is coming out.

mmmm... i need to go pee.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

- Mark Twain

i bought cargos from the gap in all possible colors(brown,green, off white) me and my three other friends have the same cargos too same with naseeba, get this EVEN our MAMAS want a pair.

my mom got a medium in the cargos but because of manufactures fault it's actually a small it says medium but fits way too tight so ms.alisha has the medium in the brown cargos that mama wants and mom says she wants to wear cargos "she's sick of womanly clothes" :P- so being me i gave her my medium brown cargo pants to her. boys and gals these are the first pants that actually FITs right and looks good and feels comfy..yeh :( kinda sad but you know what i'm going to leave those pants and all the clothes i bought behind "spend for the cause of Allah(swt)" anyoooo my mama sacraficed alot for me so what's another pair of gap cargos hanging in my closet.. mama has my pants :)


i think maybe i can squeeze into the small if i continue with my daily workout?

aidos

"I'm Like A Bird"

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
(and baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true



It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through.

- nelly furtado

so school starts again- the walking to city hall "to and from". my black knee high boots should keep me grounding, waving off the bums from the streets in the morning at "7 in the morning" with my bony fingers wrapped around a silver flask bought from wal-mart in the heat of summer - summer was beauty love. me crossing the street pressing the salty button i look right the cn building looks at me "CN" sign- red half blinking off and on with the sun peaking around it and that peaking is my high for the day. the cold makes my face feel real "hard working" i walk through building six again i stand in the line up for my TIMZ the ladies got it down path on how i like my coffee $1.50 is what makes my heart beat the effects of caffeine in my blood with the smell of GUCCI perfume sprayed on my neck the dove "hair products" play softly on my curls and so i turn around with the large black timz coffee and i bow my head a little down- i can't take stares in the morning "cold hard stares" let me settle in and come back again around noon and we can stare for living day lights.

i go to my locker 56,43,13- books upon books and i heave and sigh and i say BismAllah "another day" in this test we can make average right alisha. grab my books go to the washroom take my morning draining. i go upstairs to the library check g-mail and hotmail type something to amuze me myself on this thing i check for missed calls from lastnight "got none" text messages one or two from the girls it's quarter to eight i make my rounds to the classroom downstairs and i walk in to class "two hour classe" what a drag but it's worth it when i'm done - well earned and deserved i want to feel that feeling when reading week comes.

so missy leave the feeling aside for now we can come back on Feb.19th and play dress up again- it's game time baby- give it to me with sweat and blood i'll give it back clean- heart mind and soul- guard your tongue, guard your heart, and shield your dreams- always dream, a man not dreaming is no man? right that's a quote from someone.

i'm back to the beating of my breath the sounds of my footsteps and my "mmmm's" with a simple smile.

always smile, even though it hurts.

love you.

my quote for today

hate the sin love the sinner
-Ghandi

i'm in grant macewan library- i'm killing time waiting to speak to an advisor before i pay that huge sum of tuition :( you need money to get anywhere in life blah!


for some odd reason i'm FULL off a bowl of quaker oat cereral i didn't get my timz and i'm feeling the effects blahhhh..blahhhhhh...

hurry up old man..UGH!

"one word"
4 syllables

LOL

black man? points to poor African brotha

sticks a "nacho" infront of em what movie i'm i talking about?

UH i dunoo?

NACHO LIBRE

i start school back again in like 2 days... UGH! and work too UGH! AND everyone else goes back on the 8th UGH! well I finished way before em when it was final season- i'm going to miss the break it was well earned and deserved i did everything i wanted to do- i just need to get back into my sleeping panterns and that ain't happening to well with me going to bed at 3am everymorning AND waken up past 2pm everyday and getting myself mixed up into random msn convos UGH! and i never finished that book UGH! k tomorrow this is the mission plan:

1.) clean room
2.) organize books and dividers get print out of time table again.
3.) go out and buy desserts.
4.) call friend and cancel coffee date (im just too tired dude)
5.) after all of this go to office and clean like a mad woman.
6.) call three friends and wish em happy new year!
7.) possibly and i hope take a napp.
8.) NO ROOM FOR EXCERISE! AGAIN.




im so pissin tired.

i'm getting THICK AGAIN...nooooooooooo!