Wednesday, May 30, 2007






Monday, May 28, 2007

I was walking to school this morning and this is what hit me in the longest time:

I could get married next year...If I wanted to
I could be pregnant in two years time ....If I wanted to
I could be living in a whole new part of the world....If I wanted to

I could give me. woah. I should stop delaying.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

two more weeks left of school.

dude i'm so tired......all of it.

let me rest.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

*scream*...scream... scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, May 21, 2007

i popped my head into my moms room she was laying with the curtains dimed low just low enough for the sun to shine through, she had on her white cotton night gown with purple flowers sprinkled all over- she told me "come baby leelee lay next to me" my hair was open and she played with my curls. i rest my head on her chest smelling the lavendar she just put on her skin- her skin was warm- a warm feeling- a mother's touch is priceless. i listened to her heart beat- so strong and vibrant- she twisted my hair and said "remember when you were a baby and you used to smile so much- what happened to leelee?"- and i exhaled a breath- and replied "i still smile...". a tear rolled down.

i have grown and evolved into a young woman. i'am not a little girl anymore. i have learned to defend myself i have learned to make a life of my own. everyday i'am gaining in strength. i want to grow up to be like mom- graced with beauty and age. i want to hold my own praying that it feels that warmth i felt tonight.

before i leave for school in the mornings mom would say "come let me look at what your wearing" even though i'm twenty and she trusts i will wear modest clothes- i still allow her to scan me over and say her words "when did you buy that shirt or isn't that naseebas shirt" she says i'm lucky i came from her".


a mother's touch is priceless.

i pray i make her happy.
The Painted Veil...

simply beautiful.

I rather die in love than live without love.

Friday, May 18, 2007

whenever i'm walking around town i come up with so many things to write on this blog of mine- but nothing is conveyed better than over coffee with a friend..yeh? yeh.

how do i alisha najma shah begin to type what i would like to type. i feel that bits and parts of me are scattered every where.

breathe. pause. think. walk.

i have learned from my experiences and i will continue to master the art learning from my experiences.

my friend says i need a relationship i responded by saying "I'm Muslim :)"- but really c'mon fellow brothas and sistas we all have ties to someone of the opposite gender in terms of calling when we are faced with a hard day or just want to hear their voice how their doing- to laugh and smicker about things - we all have that significant other in the capacity of more than a brother or sister- but with the possibility of a strong, healthy relationship growing and going somewhere- but i have noticed with my friends that are in situations such as the above i explained of- when they truly, deeply love someone with all of their mind, body and soul- it never gets to stage "c" to the walking down the aisles and saying "i do"- all the count less phone calls, text messages that ran up your phone bill from $70 to $150 just because you talked to much to "Mohammad" or "Nadia" that following night with a final the next day in stats or English- but it was worth staying up for "THIS" -is nothing in the end.-

in the end that person is ruined "damaged" has formed a scarred image of "males" or "females" when casual talk does arise among their friends "so chapp when you getting hitched" or "baby-girl when you getting yah bling ca ching" that person usually says something along the lines of "guys.....are jerks- i'm done with em" or "girls.. their just too dramatic for me.. they have issues".

you know in the Quran it says " try to minimize your conversations with the opposite gender of yourself" (something along those lines) well Allah (swt) said that for a reason- so we wouldn't get damaged or hurt from "fake and bake halafied relationships- ... now think about it love, real hard- your either between the ages of 18-26 and your "?" on how and where do i begin to find a good brother or sister without getting hurt this time- what are the do's and don'tS- how do we not get hurt this time around- we usually think to ourselves "she is nothing compared to Nadia...and our love grows and deepens more within out hearts for our true first love ones- and you think to yourself- i screwed myself over BIG TIME- will i ever fall in love?

do i make sense..no because i have too many flipping grammatical errors..just make some sense out of it- comment section is open so state your spiel..

____________________
I plan to finish this off- my hands just got cold.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

my eyes are weighed heavily with sleep
my neck aches
my mouth dry
my hands dry
my legs cramping
my agenda is filled with items to get done everyday
relaxing would be a luxury item- but as you get older things change

I give so much more respect to my parents and to other elders who have come from another foreign land to Canada- getting themselves a job not just "a" job "two or three" jobs what gives their children the University Medicine degree a black sports car paid for with insurance paid a month and a nice cell phone. I have a friend who is working 35 hours a week plus doing classes in the evening- taken care of the house, cooking, cleaning- taken care of her siblings- and she still has the energy at the end of the day to make me laugh- that's strength- that's strength.

I have enough paper cuts in my hands and my strained eye balls from sitting down reading notes and glaring at the computer screen for most part of my day- replying to e-mails-calling people for employment-hussling and bustling to and from- my shoulder feels like giving out with all the books I hold- but there is something to makes me push on and on every day- work hard in this life and in the next there will be eternal peace- no back aches- no eyes aches- eternal peace- just work hard......

my eyes are weighed with sleep.

O Allah- give the believers strong faith and health and never seal our minds and heart from the truth- and O Allah- guide those souls who have being lead astray onto the right path to Islam- Ameen.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


BOYAHAHAHA BABY!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

What do I write here... What do I feel now... Where I'm I going....

I don't find the need to blog anymore..I like to sit by a window and day dream- and that capps it for me. I'm losing my energy a little bit every day- my energy to "make things alright- ok- with the smiles- the "warm", "sweet" personality- you don't know me?

I don't chase anything. The butterfly that layed in the pit of my stomach has grown wings and flown off.

I honestly don't know what to type here.

I want to travel.

My heart has lost it's compass for good- and I really don't care to recover it.

I feel distant, as I'm sure everyone does from time to time.

Don't believe into the false dreams of words. Believe in dreams that come to action.


what do I say? I'm saving it for a special moment.
What do I write here... What do I feel now... Where I'm I going....

I don't find the need to blog anymore..I like to sit by a window and day dream- and that capps it for me. I'm losing my energy a little bit every day- my energy to "make things alright- ok- with the smiles- the "warm", "sweet" personality- you don't know me?

I don't chase anything. The butterfly that layed in the pit of my stomach has grown wings and flown off.

I honestly don't know what to type here.

I want to travel.

My heart has lost it's compass for good- and I really don't care to recover it.

I feel distant, as I'm sure everyone does from time to time.

Don't believe into the false dreams of words. Believe in dreams that come to action.


what do I say? I'm saving it for a special moment.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

sometimes i think i was supposed to be a guy... i have too much man strength.

ahem - running in the rain today was fablous by the end of this summer imma going to be a lean mean running machine....holalal!

off to read thy book.

g'night loves.