i'm listening to a nasheed that brings back so many memories.. three years ago I never knew the word of "nasheeds" and the  other realms that are associated with it.

I don't know the name of the song but I feel it. I don't understand arabic....well for now. iA I plan to go to Egypt live there for three years in a far away village- eat bread that was toasted over an "actul fire and wood"- to feel the true relishing heat on the sides of my face- for wrinkles to form on my hands (they say if you want to know a man's worth look at his hands the wrinkles will tell a journey) I want my toes to go white from the exposure of the sands from the dessert, I want my lips to chap...I want that fire/rose/wood smell to be my fragrance everyday- I want my sandals to leave  in prints on my feet- I want to play with children- I want to ride a horse  but I want it to go fast- I want the wind and the crickets to be my music- I want to hear the atthan (s.p)

I was in second cup today on whyte - and looking out of the windows everyone is walking so fast.... but to where? - Life...Life...Life is so precious.

i'm going to sleep.

according to my friend: "my head feels like a cotton ball".

my dad's older brother died Friday evening (may Allah SWT) give him a resting  place in his grave and protoect him from the punishments of the grave- Ameen. He had a brain tumour... he died from "anominia" the Doctor's never drained him properly and so he chocked for breath...and died... ..his name is Uncle Raymond.. Today Uncle Raymond went down.. he was burried in Guyana.. close to his village in Victoria I believe.....My dad never got to say good bye... I think the last time that my dad heard his voice was a year ago.....When I heard I was in Second Cup.. everything went silent.....I couldn't cry..... I'm typing all of these emotions.. because life is so precious and I'm reminding myself by typing these words...You know when you hug someone and you feel that this will be your last time that you see them- well that was true.. my Uncle Raymond was sitting on our deck.. and I went out.... he looks so much like my grandpa... I felt some sadness and happiness.....knowing this was the last time I would see him... The soul doesn't last forever......I'm crying as I type these words.. wow I haven't cried for  long time.. that's a worthy cause......

I pray that he's resting and he's at ease... 

Death and love- You know when you so desparetly want to share your emotions with someone.. or just to stand or sit silently with... thats how I feel... 

The people that you missed are the ones that you truly love.

love,

alisha

I would like to be sitting on a beach reading a "Danielle Steel" novel- as the sun is going down - and the heat is still beating off the back of my shoulders- and my hair smelling of fresh lavendar shampoo bathing my surrounding- and all that I hear is the ocean.

I just want to leave.