You know for the past two mornings I have awoke to this sad/ happy feeling, like " Khair " , leave my hands up to the sky, and allow Allah ( swt ) to do his workings of beauty on my soul and this world I live in. Feels like someone has died, but no just simply have to turn away close you eyes, and cry inside. My dreams are very vivid, and holds a message behind it, " guidance " from Allah( swt ) I ask before going to bed, I get up on my kness and look to the sky " Guide me Allah whatever is in my path, allow me to feel contentment of happiness, and ease in my life , let me always seek for knowledge and beauty in this life ", yes I'm Muslim, AlamdiouAllah , I do not speak Arabic, or any other language, I do not have a culture identity, my parents are from Guyana, SouthAmerica, and I have freinds from all sorts of backgrounds, and I have taken from every culture a piece of it's token and wrapped myself with it, I know some words from Urdu, Arabic, Spanish, portuguese , french, I just fit in I guess ? :) , what I'm trying to say ...
I got lost in my own words. wow.

okay, let's just pray my mom lets me go out today, we have company coming in, and I got yelled at plus lecture from her, while coming home from a nice evening out with my friends, I told her I wanted to go too hertiage days- and yeh the rest is history, I don't bother to shout back or defend I just look at her. like I really don't care -

let's hope my weekend is ok.