Me and my sister have being going for evening walks from Monday to now, we tell ourselves if we do a hour a day, that's good enough exercise, and that's enough. We walk by the soccer fields, little kids playing, the sun on them , it's beautiful. I bugg Naseeba to death with my talking, she listens, and I admire her for that. We got home she told me " girl, you's going to need some water for all that talking ya did" I realized I talked non-stop for one hour, I have so much to say, I should just stare into my dresser mirror , and talk , and talk.

Does anyone ever feel that 'ache' inside, yes I don't like using that word, but it needs to be typed down. Not a sad ache , like lovey dovey ache, or someone just died " ache" , but a mixed up confused ' ahce' , like ' what am i waiting for kinda thing ?' , ' what's the next step in solving the puzzle?' I've realized we don't solve the puzzle, the puzzle sloves us. We are puzzles, and sometimes we need another person to solve the other half, and we will be unsolved ? I'm not making sense. I'm trying to find the words to say, to feel content in my mind, of what I'm feeling right now. Maybe that's why I'm not sleeping too well, I've being pondering too much on my window sill, ever since mama cleaned it up. I've being thinking ' those' things yeh, you can never get rid of it.. mm? Well, sometimes you just get sick, and you laugh to yourself, when ' those things' enter into the mind. I'm sick of playing defense, let's move up to forward, and get into the action, into the blood, and sweat of it.

I've got everything, AlamdiouAllah. I'm just waiting for one thing to make it complete, lastyear by now I would have known the answer to what I'm looking for to feel complete, but I think that's not the answer anymore- it's not the answer to anything anymore.

I made this blogg, and others kickn around blogg town, to bring that void out of me, to bring that anger, resentment, frustration, happiness, love, passion, sadness out. And nothing as really changed. Still the same old Alisha.

I stared at my kindergarten picture, I was a pretty little girl. And I looked to myself, and I tried squinting my eyes, and smiling more big to look like the 'alisha' in the picture. It's sad, as one ages...sadness piles up.

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That song just had to come on this morning......sucks