okay if you read the post that I just delted because after a long shower, and rubbing myself down with my mango body butter, and cleaning my room and straighten my affairs for this week, and getting my mind back into test mode, and after packing my lunch and washing the dishes and talking to my friend- i really shouldn't have typed those words, i feel it though. but for respect sake- it isn't right. i thought would Aicha have done that the Prophet Muhammad(MPBUH) wife? no, she carried herself with character, poise, beauty, and knowledge she was a woman-a dignified woman. i would like to feel that, so that's why i delted those words. enough with that, i'm still sulking in those memories that are stained on me- will i ever catch myself. no. the answer is no. once finals are done i want to help out with IAW week- i haven't volunteered for a long time. on the 15th i can't wait to attend that forum and just express all my crazy thoughts that have being bottled and suppressed for way too long love. i need to start busying myself back again, and stop thinking of crazy boys (there i said it -i memorize over heartbrakers:(as we all like to deny it and push it away- we think of being kissed, whispered to, poetry being read to us under the stars- as a friend says "the stars are poetry" touche, touche. it's 10pm right now and i'm waiting for some dude to drop of a cheque...i always have to wait up and answer the door the phone calls while everyone is in lalal land, i also have to practise some things for my final tomorrow InshAllah. I'm scared for it- but hey i tell myself and others "it's just a test can't make or break yah".
my preceptions towards things in life and people have changed alot. i miss how i use to think so what's the word "care free" and olalalish. I've become this cold, jaded gal- and i don't like it. so ya'll probably thinking why doesn't she fix herself- and really i do want too. i want to STOP acting like this, thinking and speaking like this- i really want the closness, but the only way is to drift far , because let me tell you something boys and girls , ms.wise alisha- once you've being hurt & let down, your preceptions towards "things" and people in life change. and hence from that, you might act bitchy to people, cover your own hide, not running after people- you just walk in mud and you don't care if your pants get stained from it. you just become a cocoon you close yourself up. i've closed myself up.
over the break i want to go bunjie jumpin but that ain't gonna happen, along with any fairydust sparkles either. the most i will do is see lots of movies, coffee, talk on the phone, probably msn if i'm all smiles about it. hit up alot of sisters parties, and probably have one of my own InshAllah. i really want to see dad's familie i miss my cousins, i counted lastnight- i have three aunties, and 1 uncle here from dad's side- and ALL of my cousins, and second cousins here. i saw my cousin today- i called his name he turned back didn't reckon me and kept on walking :(..mm yeh. anyoo i miss uncle buddie and aunty neisha, i miss aunt lyn's parties. i really hope she has a christams family partie this year- missing the laughter. i miss my cousins busting down dancing on the dance floor. i miss seeing the goodlooking chocolate skin twins. i miss alot man. i miss alot. i can't catch myyself these past years.. in the last two years i should say. i guess i'm just listening and experiencing alot. it's hard when your at this age to remain patient, and preserve yourself. it's hard to lower the head a little. it's tempted sometimes to engage into wonder land, but i really want to reach eternal happiness without ruining myself before my sweet time comes. i do have faith my sweet time will come.
i guess, well alisha you know that's why you delted that post- "it's no you". i miss peoples smiles. if a person doesn't smile it truly alters their personality and how one views them. never stop smiling, never stop the attempt to love. if a vas fell a antique one, with time within it from years ago- and suddenly it fell, and it broke. you picked up the pieces and told yourself "mm, wonder if it can be fix?" and you find ways to get it fixed and finally you find the solution to get it fixed. well it should be like that if you get your heart broken, or you got into a fight with your friend, or if two countries are at neck and neck? we have being given life to full. there is a bottle and "we" as humans are supposed to fill it. we aren't even close to filling the bottle of life...we are still sediments on the bottom of the bottle. do i make sense. so mmm get this- .. no i think i'm going to stop before i get into hippie talk..anyoo i need to chance up on person, in which we can talk and talk till our brains fall out- my friend said "i'm going to be broke, so many birthdays coming up yours(me)and she named some other friends" i told her the coach purse or however you spell it will be be dust in the end of time- give me something i can value and place it in my heart for safe keeping- because i have heard and i have realized and i have accepted- give me something of beauty. i told her i wanted to go walking in the ravine by the saskatchewan river and just stroll and talk. she smiled- and said i needed to get married (lol) no really, i don't need to get married, just sometimes you need that person mind body and soul. ..
anyoo i look at the time, and i need to start cracking. AlamdiouAllah for everything.
my preceptions towards things in life and people have changed alot. i miss how i use to think so what's the word "care free" and olalalish. I've become this cold, jaded gal- and i don't like it. so ya'll probably thinking why doesn't she fix herself- and really i do want too. i want to STOP acting like this, thinking and speaking like this- i really want the closness, but the only way is to drift far , because let me tell you something boys and girls , ms.wise alisha- once you've being hurt & let down, your preceptions towards "things" and people in life change. and hence from that, you might act bitchy to people, cover your own hide, not running after people- you just walk in mud and you don't care if your pants get stained from it. you just become a cocoon you close yourself up. i've closed myself up.
over the break i want to go bunjie jumpin but that ain't gonna happen, along with any fairydust sparkles either. the most i will do is see lots of movies, coffee, talk on the phone, probably msn if i'm all smiles about it. hit up alot of sisters parties, and probably have one of my own InshAllah. i really want to see dad's familie i miss my cousins, i counted lastnight- i have three aunties, and 1 uncle here from dad's side- and ALL of my cousins, and second cousins here. i saw my cousin today- i called his name he turned back didn't reckon me and kept on walking :(..mm yeh. anyoo i miss uncle buddie and aunty neisha, i miss aunt lyn's parties. i really hope she has a christams family partie this year- missing the laughter. i miss my cousins busting down dancing on the dance floor. i miss seeing the goodlooking chocolate skin twins. i miss alot man. i miss alot. i can't catch myyself these past years.. in the last two years i should say. i guess i'm just listening and experiencing alot. it's hard when your at this age to remain patient, and preserve yourself. it's hard to lower the head a little. it's tempted sometimes to engage into wonder land, but i really want to reach eternal happiness without ruining myself before my sweet time comes. i do have faith my sweet time will come.
i guess, well alisha you know that's why you delted that post- "it's no you". i miss peoples smiles. if a person doesn't smile it truly alters their personality and how one views them. never stop smiling, never stop the attempt to love. if a vas fell a antique one, with time within it from years ago- and suddenly it fell, and it broke. you picked up the pieces and told yourself "mm, wonder if it can be fix?" and you find ways to get it fixed and finally you find the solution to get it fixed. well it should be like that if you get your heart broken, or you got into a fight with your friend, or if two countries are at neck and neck? we have being given life to full. there is a bottle and "we" as humans are supposed to fill it. we aren't even close to filling the bottle of life...we are still sediments on the bottom of the bottle. do i make sense. so mmm get this- .. no i think i'm going to stop before i get into hippie talk..anyoo i need to chance up on person, in which we can talk and talk till our brains fall out- my friend said "i'm going to be broke, so many birthdays coming up yours(me)and she named some other friends" i told her the coach purse or however you spell it will be be dust in the end of time- give me something i can value and place it in my heart for safe keeping- because i have heard and i have realized and i have accepted- give me something of beauty. i told her i wanted to go walking in the ravine by the saskatchewan river and just stroll and talk. she smiled- and said i needed to get married (lol) no really, i don't need to get married, just sometimes you need that person mind body and soul. ..
anyoo i look at the time, and i need to start cracking. AlamdiouAllah for everything.
posted by Surrendering at 7:35 PM
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