As I sit here, in this room, a glass cage in which I trap myself in. Trying to captivate some sort of memory from this picture it is difficult. Simply, time as gone by fast, and it scares me as I write this. I got caught in the spoke of the wheel with the rest of them. I stare at this picture for five minutes- five minutes to be exact. I'll tell you what I see; I see a little girl. She has dark brown curly hair, slicked backed into a ponytail. Her skin is flawless without any little imperfections of a pimple, uneven skin tone, or bags under her eyes. Her eyes are hazel when the sun hits them; her teeth have little gaps in between them, when she smiles. Her dress is peach and frilled with frills. She holds a blonde- hair, naked Barbie doll in her hand, shoving it into her father’s camera, as she poses for the picture. She sticks out her but, puts her hands on her tiny hips and poses like she's just won some kind of movie award. I like the way she smiles at the camera with confidence, thinking she's got the a, b,c’s down path.

She stands on her patio, in front of a tree, that blooms pink flowers in the summer time. Her mother places her here all the time when taken a picture when the little girl is dressed up in her dresses. Why? Her mother once told her, she shaved a little piece of her hair, and buried it in the foundations of the patio when her father was re-constructing it, and the little girl asks her mother why? Her mother replied as all mothers do from the mother-unit so you will always be in blooming, and when your a old lady look back to this tree, you and this tree will keep time with each other, watch it grow, watch yourself grow".

As I sit back, and re-read what I just wrote, those words ring through me, " you and this tree will keep time with each other"- As I look to this picture, I truly wish I could go back in time, to that pose. My father would take my picture again, and I could taste that happiness that I took for granted when I was a child. As I look to that picture, I see a girl that truly smiled, for happiness and joy. As I look to this picture I'm in envy. Innocence and beauty speaks to me in words, speaks to me in words, which I can not take and reform again, and selfishly rub myself down with it.

This picture was taken at a house that I've only grown to know. Love was born here, love was made here, and love resides here. I was five at the time when that picture was taken. I did not know of the things now as I did back then. I thought my life was one big Barbie playhouse. There was a Ken and Barbie, with their pink shiny sports car. I guess my hopes and aspirations for the future were standardize by the ideal that Barbie’s had put forth onto me. I also thought that once you knew your alphabets it was straight coasting from here, my mother and father tried to shelter me from the harsh realities of life, they tried to capture the moment of happiness by taken pictures of me in my frilly dresses playing with my Barbie’s . I also didn’t know at that age of time, that the trees that I climbed with the little neighborhood boys, would soon grow into young men, in which would hurt the hearts of young women just like me. At that age in time I didn’t know of the stresses, as I do now, trying to do well in school and becoming successful for the future. At that age in time I didn’t know of the friends that I thought were my friends, would soon turn against me and stab me coldly in the back. At that age in time I didn’t know of the unwanted things my eyes would see as I walked my journeys in this world., stripping every bit of innocence I had away .
I look to this picture and I feel warmth. That cold ache that sleeps in the pit of your stomach, giving off to the disillusioned feeling that you are hungry but that hunger is often mistaken for something else. It creeps it’s way up to your heart, holds it tight, and sometime holds it way too tight, making you feel cold. I look to this picture from time to time, and I feel heated for a while.
You know how everyone has a favorite place in their house? Well mine is on the patio. When it's a nice cool fall evening, I just go out there, sit on the swing, and I stare to the sky- my eyes transfixed not moving, I watch as the sun goes down, and an aroa of orange, red, mixed in between combining a color of peach. I envision my peach dress coming down onto me, collecting me, and taken me off, far, far away. And I remember the smell of the pink flowers that would bloom in the summer, and I stare to the tree now, its branches naked, it looks hungry for life. I get up once in a while, and I stand at the same spot, and try to recapture the moment, I imagine I will be in my white wedding dress, and the flowers would be pink, I would stand tall and strong- a women now. My face would have aged a little, my eyes will still be hazel as the sun hits them, my hair would still be curly but this time black, all of the spaces in my teeth would have being full, and instead of holding a red -haired Barbie doll in my hand shoving it to my father's camera, I would be holding a bouquet of flowers in my hand, instead of pushing my butt out, and placing my hands on what was once tiny hips, they would have grown to hold the beauty in which I would l my children's legs will rest on as I carry them . Fourteen years has gone by in which I took that picture in my peach dress. I have made it through four-teen years of relishing; happiness, sadness, anger. I have become stronger, I have gained experience, I have molded. I’m a woman of this world, if time tells me so I will stand in my white dress by this tree that blooms every summer time, and I will have my picture taken. And if time tells me so, I will swing on that swing on my patio, staring up to the sky, allowing my peach dress to swoop down and caress the wrinkles that have formed on my face, and next to me sits my grandchild. I will show him or her, all of the pictures in which I took there by this tree as a girl, a young woman, a women, and now your grandmother. And I will be reminded of what my mother told me “ you and this tree will keep time with each other, watch it grow, watch it grow, watch yourself grow”.
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I'm going to get a big fat juciy F, Alisha you simply and MUST find a lad, that knows how to write.. *sigh* lol..going to bed..