" Letting go of what was "
I'm not even part of the " what was " groupie :( jeez ba beez some people have " of what was " in terms of lost love, lost friend, lost career, interest, I dunno anything attached with emotional lifish fulfillment and contenment of one's heat??
I was sitting down yesterday doing homeowork, infront of me was a couple , a pretty couple holding hands. A different type of holding hands, the gal's arms were strethched out and the guy took his fingers and did some kinda quirky massaging type of technique, and he pulled her arms closer to his chest.. and he just looked into her eyes.. like long look - they stayed like this for what a five minutes.. and me watching on like I'm in the cinema.. They didn't even kiss, just stared into eachothers eye's ...that's love.
On a another note. I'm 19 ... turning the big 2-0 next year ( iA ) how come a sixteen year old. some gal that is younger than me " is in a relationship" like a healthy romantic, mutal, non-commitment realationship, like their committed, but not like " oh! I'll walk you to the bus, I'll hold ya books, I'll bring coffee for you every morning ( well I would do that :P) not that kinda clingy committed... mmmm ?? Theres this song I like, by Leanne Wommack and in it she sings " I don't want to look back on my youth " , you know what hit me hard just now - my youth is like almost done.. I missed out big time- with everything, kinda feeling regretful. Just trying to make up for lost time, I guess. buy anyoo like I've never being in a relationship, I'm not quite sure how I would be or what to do, I mean not like a haram relationship, but like a relationship with the idea or proposal of " I'm going to marry you next year I just need to finish school, and we can hitch it in my papa's house or live in a carb board box, WHATEVER!, and then we could just hang , like mm maybe I'm getting ahead of meself, but the question has being lurring in the back of my mind, how would I love?, I'm not quite sure how to love, like when you first meet him... like does it begin from friends... but this gets me feeling quirkish- what if the dude is like "I like you " and you like him back, then do you let go of the bars of that guards up- of just being a friend, and then start holding hands- or just like I love you, do you start thinking and planning for the future with your friend now LOVER.. ?? like ERRR omg.. ( mental breakdown lol ) this is confusing... well I mean your used to be friend, is going to be the father of your children now, he's going to see you naked.. like errrr.. this reallyy digs at me.. he's going to see you wake up from your sleep. with like stale mouth, and your face looking all haggered out.. he's going to - help you when your sick - your going to grow old with eachother, your going to aruge with him.. this is your friend.. OR mmm now Alisha is turning the tables... do you start from friends.. or mm mmm " or ?" " I'm 23 your 26, we need to get married before we do more fitnahish activities " and then just get marries you for the flip of it , and then you will love him , loving someone without knowing them like I mean five yrs knowing them kinda thing from before. I duno I could never marry a person I just knew in a years capacity. I mean it seems like a long time a year , 12 longgggggggggggg months , BUT within those 12 months you gotta think THINGS through. like so many things, first ' well do I click with the dude'' do we formualize well with eachother.... '' financial.. where we going to live..eat / sit .. heres the big crincher " his he the one " his he the one.. girls do ya self a favor don't ask yourself that when your in the engagement process. hearts just get hurt.. and the pain.. mm it just -bloody hurts ok ??
Don't committ to something you KNOW you don't want.. or don't get, to the love stage, where the dude starts to develop feelings for you , like he likes you ALOT, but your mixed up, it's okay to be confused- life is all about choices just go about the right way of doing it, don't hurt the lad's heart - like if he likes you alot, and your just friends, and your not sure of the whole thing, just let him know where you stand before , stabbing him in- don't let the dagger touch the heart.. broken hearts kill :(
Okay off to bed.. I'm not sure " how to love" mmmm.. you know what you can be freinds with everyone..talk ALOT.. got everything a -rated down path- BUT you don't how to love...
Hello my name is Alisha - I create things in my head at night, and when alone. the cold just does something to you.. I hait that feeling, that ache.. of now knowing the certain...
The certain...are you my certain
_____________
This was typed under the influence of talking to random ( ers) today.
I'm not even part of the " what was " groupie :( jeez ba beez some people have " of what was " in terms of lost love, lost friend, lost career, interest, I dunno anything attached with emotional lifish fulfillment and contenment of one's heat??
I was sitting down yesterday doing homeowork, infront of me was a couple , a pretty couple holding hands. A different type of holding hands, the gal's arms were strethched out and the guy took his fingers and did some kinda quirky massaging type of technique, and he pulled her arms closer to his chest.. and he just looked into her eyes.. like long look - they stayed like this for what a five minutes.. and me watching on like I'm in the cinema.. They didn't even kiss, just stared into eachothers eye's ...that's love.
On a another note. I'm 19 ... turning the big 2-0 next year ( iA ) how come a sixteen year old. some gal that is younger than me " is in a relationship" like a healthy romantic, mutal, non-commitment realationship, like their committed, but not like " oh! I'll walk you to the bus, I'll hold ya books, I'll bring coffee for you every morning ( well I would do that :P) not that kinda clingy committed... mmmm ?? Theres this song I like, by Leanne Wommack and in it she sings " I don't want to look back on my youth " , you know what hit me hard just now - my youth is like almost done.. I missed out big time- with everything, kinda feeling regretful. Just trying to make up for lost time, I guess. buy anyoo like I've never being in a relationship, I'm not quite sure how I would be or what to do, I mean not like a haram relationship, but like a relationship with the idea or proposal of " I'm going to marry you next year I just need to finish school, and we can hitch it in my papa's house or live in a carb board box, WHATEVER!, and then we could just hang , like mm maybe I'm getting ahead of meself, but the question has being lurring in the back of my mind, how would I love?, I'm not quite sure how to love, like when you first meet him... like does it begin from friends... but this gets me feeling quirkish- what if the dude is like "I like you " and you like him back, then do you let go of the bars of that guards up- of just being a friend, and then start holding hands- or just like I love you, do you start thinking and planning for the future with your friend now LOVER.. ?? like ERRR omg.. ( mental breakdown lol ) this is confusing... well I mean your used to be friend, is going to be the father of your children now, he's going to see you naked.. like errrr.. this reallyy digs at me.. he's going to see you wake up from your sleep. with like stale mouth, and your face looking all haggered out.. he's going to - help you when your sick - your going to grow old with eachother, your going to aruge with him.. this is your friend.. OR mmm now Alisha is turning the tables... do you start from friends.. or mm mmm " or ?" " I'm 23 your 26, we need to get married before we do more fitnahish activities " and then just get marries you for the flip of it , and then you will love him , loving someone without knowing them like I mean five yrs knowing them kinda thing from before. I duno I could never marry a person I just knew in a years capacity. I mean it seems like a long time a year , 12 longgggggggggggg months , BUT within those 12 months you gotta think THINGS through. like so many things, first ' well do I click with the dude'' do we formualize well with eachother.... '' financial.. where we going to live..eat / sit .. heres the big crincher " his he the one " his he the one.. girls do ya self a favor don't ask yourself that when your in the engagement process. hearts just get hurt.. and the pain.. mm it just -bloody hurts ok ??
Don't committ to something you KNOW you don't want.. or don't get, to the love stage, where the dude starts to develop feelings for you , like he likes you ALOT, but your mixed up, it's okay to be confused- life is all about choices just go about the right way of doing it, don't hurt the lad's heart - like if he likes you alot, and your just friends, and your not sure of the whole thing, just let him know where you stand before , stabbing him in- don't let the dagger touch the heart.. broken hearts kill :(
Okay off to bed.. I'm not sure " how to love" mmmm.. you know what you can be freinds with everyone..talk ALOT.. got everything a -rated down path- BUT you don't how to love...
Hello my name is Alisha - I create things in my head at night, and when alone. the cold just does something to you.. I hait that feeling, that ache.. of now knowing the certain...
The certain...are you my certain
_____________
This was typed under the influence of talking to random ( ers) today.
posted by Surrendering at 9:04 PM
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