So I'm sitting here once again, with my eyes burning from the heat of it all. I don't know how to begin. Talked to a sister this evening and she said that I'm hiding something, I fumble among my words - I beat around the bush , she told me ' Just say it '. I wish life was simple like that hun. I walked home from the bus - really dumbfounded walking the same path I did a year ago nothing has changed- walked by the green van and looked at myself in the tinted windows ' nothing has changed ' . A sister told me she wore the hijab because she was ' sick ' of bad things always happening to her , and within four days she became closer to Allah ( swt). I want change in my life, and the kind of change I want takes alot of emotions to stop what I'm doing to myself and to others. I always and still do stand by that if you practice the right way of a Muslim you should and always have faith, and seek hope , nothing can go wrong. I'm being tested again really hard, just sometimes I wish I knew the answers to my questions.

I was watching Oprah today I haven't watched that for so long, since I have being occupied with plenty of other things- It was on marriage , get that :). The doctor said that she just got married because she thought it was the key to happiness, and it wasn't -she lived more of her husband qualities then she did of her self, she forgot those flaws and perfection which made her that women. Sometimes loving someone can be mistaken for friendship, how do you make that black and white ? I have too much of grey matter floating around in my life- I want something solid.

I asked my mom today ' why didn't you lock me up in a room, and forbid me of talking to males'
She laughed ' hurting makes you more noble of these tricked games in life.

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My husband has tons of stories to hear from me- I want to share this.