I have time to write but as I stare at the white screen...my thoughts have gone hazy....so much to say so much to breathe...my heart beats too fast to keep up with life..my life their life and his life.

I wanted to run today but was stopped because it's too dark outside.. I told my mom the air is just right.. warm but with a nip of cold it's dark so I can run my fastest no on-lookers from inside the cars watching as I run... I feel conscious sometimes running you know.

A Walk to Remember is showing on "Woman Showcase"... I'm going to watch it.. it's supposed to be sad one- alisha needs to get in touch with her emotions.

In the praying room at Grant the ceiling is black..blackk..like a black ocean caving onto me... black... I just layed there thinking that's how it feels in a grave.. 6 feet above me is black soil... it scared me for a while, I forced myself to lay there motionless thinking that's how the grave will be....and I smiled it's good to feel scared once in a while allows you to meet reality more and more...

Watch Angel Eyes with Jennifer Lopez in it..watch the ending... I love when their driving off in silence.. just watch the ending and you'll totally understand what I'm talking about.

I long for Victoria the ferry with the ocean beneath my eyes... with the splashes spraying on my face .... I miss the guy that looked like Bob Marley and sang his songs.. Buffalo Solider..That moment was perfect I was sitting on the stairs on the harbor front, the sun was going down and the trees were laced with white lights.. the spanish guitar played in the background, the mosquitoes danced around my ankles...and he sang Buffalo Solider and smiled at me...That was nice to....me.

I don't no what I want anymore...I thought I did.. and thinking with the stupid infatuations you make of a soul- thinking they posses all that you crave for.. and you tbink God almighty-he has what it takes.. he makes life tick fast within me.... I was drinking coffee today bymyself and that felt nice knowing that you thought and thinked of someone of that for the fact... not for love..but you love them enough to allow them to stay around .... stay around for the ride why not.. for the chance... for the chance.. you have sought and analyzed..stop with the "if's" and "if that were to be" and that "bliss" why not "kiss"- life is a bucket of chances.. one of these days someone is going to come and knock em all out....Let's ask that question "Are you ready for a chance?" Good or bad it moulds you.

We all have done ills of sins of righteousness.... "what's good for you is bad, and what's bad for you is good" stated in the Quran.... think about it...I always use to say " you can never really find anyone to trust" usually that feeling of resurrance of warmth stays with you..for a time.. for a time being.... in that phrase "you can never really find anyone to trust" lays possibilties of not trusting anyone.. well I have come to the conclusion my concrete conclusion "you can't trust anyone"....
if you love them enough..dad says it's better not to tell that soul of any trusting personal matter.. "you still want to be friends with them" well my version of friend is someone who fills the air with laughter... "common relief of stress" not a venting process..because honey we all have enough venting sessions... and sometimes it's good to just talk about the world.. not our hearts... I know that sounds really weird but it's my version and I'm sticking to it... you trust family.. your "significant other"-...

When people walk away run after them.... but only run after them one time.. after that just go on living life..life...life's too short to make more ponds, lakes, rivers, oceans of emotions and tears.

Don't have regret...never do... Smile ..Smile..
Seize life... to the fullest...Life is of zest.
Laugh to cherish the moment.
Smile to be reminded of it.
Love a soul to the fullest... And when they have downturned you- be selfish and tell yourself "well at least I know not to take that trail nextime"
Sing...thinking you ..yes you can win the grammy.
If it takes a hour to plea your heart out to Allah in duah then.. do what it takes.
Learn to realize lonliness can be beautiful.
Don't hold onto this life.
Don't hold grudges..
Allow your heart to forgive.. but never forget.
Sometimes friend ends with "End"....

we're still experiencing...