I have found that there is beauty when one, sits in the darkness,a late hour, and crys to their Lord. A Lord they have not seen, heard from, somewhere in the depths of a man's soul lays that higher conscious that the Lord does exists,and will guide you, whatever small amount of faith you have, trust me my friend that is the feeling a man needs to walk on in this life, because when you don't have it you feel cold, your stomach aches like it has being starved for upon days. You feel this sour taste coming up in your mouth, something of posion, you feel toxified. And you realize your Lord has veiled your heart from having hope and faith.

I have found, that my soul was being consumed by the materliastic ideals of this life. So much that I have mixed it up with my faith, and do you stop and realize, as your sitting or walking, as the sky gazes by, that you have intertwined both your faith, and this life that man himself, man just like you has created- together.

I have found, to have a state of reflection, simply staring at a tree, it's branches naked, and it's beauty scattered to the ground, soon deposing.
I walked by a picture of a skelton. Grey, black, dark- bones. I tried to vision, how this soul must have looked when it had life. Must have had thick hair, straight hair, blue eyes, or green, slim figure, or fat- Must have accomplished alot in his or hers' life of this world. I soon realized that this frame- this skelton has being forgotten, and simply tacked up on some wall to explain some sort of chemical inbalance with it's "once was private-parts" by the effects of the lack of idoine in it's diet- simply tacked up on a wall..a dark hall, in which hardly anyone walks. That soul, probably band slave labor, amended the constitution, was a doctor that visited patients out in Africa ... who knows, they must have accomplished something in their life of righteousness. Makes me wonder and realize me and you will become skeltons, the life of a dancer, a soccer player, a teacher, a janitor, a constructionw woker,a slave- whatever it may be has being sucked from this "frame" of what was onc known as beauty to the human eye, now to a dead corpse. That soul is with Allah, it's deeds have left their frame, making them ugly, all the good deeds are not there.

I thought alot about death this week, alot, and for the first time in my life, and I mean first time in my life, I was in fear of the fire. I watched my steps carefully as I took, not wanting one stupid small mistake making me feel more guilty of perishing in the fires.... I toched the stove for a long time.... and it hurt till it felt cold... that's how hell will be.. it will hurt so much and for such a long time you will be cold and forgotten forever.. "eternity'.

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I would write more... sleep comes my loves.