my mind is at ease..temporary ease. in times of solitude like this one can truly think. do i want to think? i tell myself what's the reason to think....more?

i miss summer. it was bliss. i met myself.

i met others.

in the process of doing school, work, meeting commitments you drift and hun you never realize it.
do i want it back? yeh...kinda do. i mistook the tokens i got. did i really? but what was i supposed to do?
if you ever knew my friend.

i watched lake house lastnight when i was getting it from block buster- the girl told her friend "do i really want to get this movie? it's in the middle of finals? do i want to cry? i laughed.. i picked it up, brave and strong my heart and hands were.
i watched it i wanted to write down every line that struck me, it struck but not hard enough this time.
i didn't cry, not one tear, i didn't even sigh- i just watched it like watching a document film in class. and i thought about it today that kinda itched at me kinda bothered me- what truly pained you from the past , what dreams you fondled with in your heart- what tears soaked your pants- you know that after effect of waken up at 6 in the morning just 3 hours of sleep you got because- you were up on msn or the phone for way tooo long? what was supposed to be a study night turned into a dreamy " i wish you were mine" fainted conversation? and you wake up and that feeling, that dry disgusting feeling lays in your mouth- well yeh i miss that, slowly and slowly i'm losing it and it fears me- not to feel and think that much as i used to? to be able to do that again with be kinda sweet.

i didn't cry, usually when i watch movies i'm a freak show and i cry too much that i get a headache and i get the sniffles. i usually get up go to the bathroom, and cry silently while my friends are laughing their head "good old alisha"

i don't have much to say- and if i do i'm saying it just for the hell of it- to see what response i get.

my friend asked me "if i wanted to do something bad" well she used a better word in the place of "bad". i was going to say no!, and give her this huge laugh "like your on crack" and i thought about it- i wanted to do something lively, not bad but just lively. she said we should go running around the place screaming our heads off..... sometimes that "thing" or "person"
makes you think something "state of reflection".

the spanish music plays soft in the background the brothers play soccer outside. their smiles & laughter and stories have made home within me.

i was supposed to hit up Banff that didn't happen because of the story mom and dad heard on what happened to that couple in the oregon. was supposed to hit up Toronto and visit family- that didn't happen, i'm praying i'll have some fun, just for one hours sake- is all that i ask mates.