lately, lately and more lately. i feel i'm losing it all. that passion that eagerness that happiness i took for granted that excitment i've lost it i think. that chord that played within me made it's inner within me, that lust, that hunger, that warmth, those "jitters" the butterfly effect has grown wings over these times, and is making it's way more rapid and quick throughout my chest to a land somewhere else- i let it go, let it enter into someone new.

sometimes i'm caught in the moment wanting to enter into it again. we made promises to yourself. strength has covered me now, my eyes look but they do not gaze anymore, i simply stare for the being of it all.

it's hard to fill the circle by yourself, drawing the tie closer and closer and soon enough i will be in the middle of the cirlce staring outwards. acceptance is hard to deal with, reality sometimes holds you by suprise as a pink, gold, peach, white fairy dust sparkle book, and sometimes you leave it open too long and the sparkle fairy dust is blown away leaving... leaivng a black and white book. that's it black and white it's plain to read no crazy colors to pick out, your colors are straight how hard is it now to make the choice.. everything becomes simpler and simpler as you grow older and older, and acceptance replaces the fairydust , with reality.

do i make sense? i hope so or i'm really losing it. when people ask "what's wrong" i don't like to say because if i even dream too i would be put into a white room with white pants a white shirt with my hair all messed around with black eyes making it's markings under them.

water is peaceful, green dark water.the sun is pretty. the trees are strong. sometimes i hear them talk to me. i was walking to get coffee this morning and this black leaf dropped right infront of me "a leaf does not fall without him knowing it"-
a little while after i was thinking "i don't read Quran much", later did i realize my state of reflection on the leaf and thinking back to the phrase of "a leaf does not fall without him knowing it" made me smile.

i think about twenty years from now, how my life will be, how your life will be ? and theirs. everything i talked about with my friends all the little conversations the moments the smiles everything i pray i never forgot for that is what has moulded me so far- part of my mould. sometimes it's hard for things to leave the tip of your tongue and i hait myself for it, but the best words are those that are kept within, and trust it comes out to play ...sooner or later.

tears collect in my hands and i taste them to be reminded
sometimes it's hard to stay focus.